Spontaneity!

     I love spur of the moment plans and being spontaneous. Like when one of my best friends texts me at 9:30 tonight and says, "Hey, wanna go to the beach for the week with me and my family? We're leaving tomorrow!" Ya darn tootin' I do!
      So, I am headed to pack so I can leave at 6:45 in the morning to head to the beach. Do I like getting up that early? Nope! But I guess I can make an exception if it's for a week at the beach with one of my fellow Paladins. Talk about last minute plans...I can't wait!

...And One Giant Leap for a College Student!

     Today, I took another step toward college.  I ordered my bedding for my dorm room! Actually, I ordered my bedding, towels, washcloths, and a lot of other necessities for my dorm all in one neat package! Everyone has been asking me for months now, “What colors are you doing your dorm room??” My usual answer is, “I’d like to know that, too!” Well now, I have the answer. Purple and blue damask.

     Ordering my bedding is a huge step for me. First, I tend to procrastinate…a lot. I found the link on Furman’s new student page to the RHL website which has lots of bedding packages and things for dorm/college life a few months ago, but I’ve been putting off ordering it.  However, after orientation when Mom said, “They told the parents at orientation that all the popular colors go fast,” I decided to have my things ordered by the end of the week. When Heather and I went shopping on Wednesday, I looked in a few stores to compare prices, but nothing compared to the prices I found on RHL. So today, I surprised Mom and said, “Let’s sit down and look at bedding!”
     Second, this is a big deal for me because I am super indecisive.  My friends know not to ask me, “Where do you want to eat?” or “What do you want to do?” because I don’t like making decisions. Especially ones that I’m going to have to live with for a while. Like say, for at least nine months. So for me to look through the choices today and say, “I want to order this pattern!” was monumental. 
     Lastly, it’s exciting because it means I’m that much closer to moving into Furman! Summer O? Check! Bedding? Check! And only eight more weeks until I start O Week as an official Paladin!

 

The Shopping Adventures of a Tiger and Paladin

     What have I done all day today? Shopped. And then after that? There was pretty much no "after" shopping today. My cousin and I turned a relaxing little shopping trip to Florence into a 12 hour shopping extravaganza!
      My cousin and I have been trying to spend more time together lately. We're both home for the summer, with nothing to do, so why not spend our time together? Not to mention that we always have a great time. After about the fifth or sixth hour of shopping, we couldn't take anything seriously anymore, and at one point, I couldn't even park my car because we were laughing so hysterically!
      All of this is a much welcome change from my younger years with Heather. When we were little, we spent pretty much every day together. Since she's two years older than me, I guess I always looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. I used to want to copy everything she did, and this annoyed Heather greatly. Not to mention that I am a very affectionate person while she is not, so I would always want to hug her, which she would not put up with. Needless to say, all of this led to much bickering and many "family talks."
      However, I am glad to say that Heather and I are best friends now. We've learned how to put appreciate each other's differences and how to compliment the other's personality.
      But despite our differences, there are a lot of common interests that we share. And thankfully one of those interests (dare I say passions?) that we share is a love of all things girly. We went into the day looking for shirts, jeans, and things for my dorm. What we ended up with was dresses, shirts, jewelry, perfume, tennis shoes, makeup, and a few things for my dorm. But more than that, we ended up with memories, sore muscles, and a lot of good laughs. I enjoy my time with Heather so much and look forward to going to school near my Clemson Tiger in the fall!

"Cousins by chance, friends by choice"

 

"God made us cousins because He knew our moms couldn't handle us as sisters!"

 

 

FU Summer Orientation!

     Can I just move into Furman today? Like, seriously? I would move in today if I could even though I haven't bought any college necessities like bed linens, towels, etc. But oh well, who needs those! I've only been home for a few days, and I'm already ready to go back!
     Orientation was great! It just made me that much more excited to go to Furman! Of course I had nothing to worry about the other night when I was so stressed. After dropping my things in SoHo and attending an opening session, we divided into small groups and got to know each other better. There were about ten in each group, which was great because it gave us a chance to connect with people on a smaller level. I'm not going to lie...I was a little nervous when we first met with our groups. But after meeting our O staff leaders and playing a few ice breakers, I felt much better. Being in the small groups helped a lot! I was a lot more comfortable around 11 other people than I would have been around a large group, and after playing some games, I found a couple people in the group that I really connected with.
     After attending a morning session and eating lunch in the DH (which is actually really awesome...especially the cookies!), we learned how to sign up for classes. It was super intimidating at first, especially since my classes have been laid out for me for the past 4 years, but Dr. Powers, my group's advisor, was great! I actually got to talk with her at lunch, and she is super nice! That's one of the (many) things I love about Furman. It is so easy to interact with the professors, and all of them I have met so far have been so helpful!
     In the afternoon, we had the chance to attend sessions specifically geared toward our area of study if we wanted to do something like Pre-health or Pre-law. Since I am going to be a Pre-med Biology major, I attended the session for that. It was so helpful! It gave me a better idea of what classes I needed to sign up for, what kinds of things I need to be involved with other the next four years, and who my Pre-health advisors will be.
     Once we finished with the Resource Fair, eating supper, and deciding on a tentative schedule, we headed to the PalaParty! It was awesome because it gave us a chance to interact with and meet other freshman besides just the ones in our group. I ended up playing Catch Phrase and Xbox Konnect, but there were tons of options like playing Mario Kart, watching the NBA finals, or even taking photos in a photobooth!
     The next morning, I didn't have to meet with Dr. Powers again until 11, so I was able to attend the special interest conference on Getting Involved.  I never realized there were so many ways to get involved, and you are able to keep track of all of your activities on a website called OrgSync.  My problem won't be not being able to find enough to do...it will be limiting myself to 3 or 4 activities because I will want to join everything!!
     After that, I had a meeting with Dr. Powers, and she advised me about which classes would be good for me to take first semester and which ones I should wait to take. It was really helpful because she helped me not overload myself while still making sure I stayed on track. Without her, I would have been in WAY over my head!
     Once I entered my course selections into ICE (initial course election), I begged my parents to take me to downtown Greenville to eat since I've never gotten to eat downtown before.  We ended up at Sticky Fingers (which was great!), walked around Falls Park (which is absolutely gorgeous!), and even got ice cream from Spill the Beans (yum!!).
     Even though I was beyond tired, I was not ready to leave Furman or Greenville. This trip was the first time that it seemed real that I'm going to be moving in in 60 days, and I am more excited now than ever! I cannot wait to move onto campus, get involved, meet new people, and even start my classes. I have no doubt that Furman is where I am supposed to be, and I can't wait to see all of the opportunities in store for me there!

Furman, Falls Park, and the Rabbit Trail!

     Bell Tower Projector & Kid-sized Snapbacks!

 

"Your Insecurities Try to Conquer You"

      It's the night before my first day of summer orientation at Furman, and I am scared to death. I don't really know why. While I was walking around Greenville today with my dad, it just hit me. In two months, this will be my home! It's all happening so quickly!

       Right now, my fears are really bringing out my insecurities. I don't know anybody going to this orientation. I know it's only for two days, but I told Mom tonight, "I don't wanna sit alone! I don't wanna eat alone!" 

       You see, even though I'm a very social person and love being around people, I have a tendency to be a little socially awkward. I am an introvert, so sometimes that makes things harder for me. Last summer, I did great at getting over my shyness. I spent a week at Palmetto Girl's State and two weeks at Furman for their Summer Scholars program, and I made lots of friends at both. But this past year, I just stopped caring as much about trying to get out of my shell. It was my senior year, so I just kept saying, "Oh well, I'll make friends at college!" But here I am, getting ready for orientation, and I'm scared that I won't be able to really put myself out there. 

       However, I've started praying about all of these insecurities, and one song keeps coming to mind. God keeps reminding me of the lyrics to "Walk on the Water" by Britt Nicole. In this song, Britt reminds us that our faith in God is all that it takes to overcome our insecurities. So tonight, as I try to get some sleep (which will be nearly impossible...I'm sharing a hotel room with both of my parents who snore like there's no tomorrow!), I will remember to give my insecurities to God and to do my very best to put myself out there tomorrow. Because as Britt says, "What do [I] have to lose?"

Walk on the Water   

Good Times with the Old Man

     For as long as I can remember, my dad has always loved the outdoors. He's up at 6 every morning and stays outside until late every day. He loves fishing, biking, hiking, canoeing, boating, and almost every other outdoor activity you can think of. He is also super knowledgable about wildlife and plants. I can ask him about any kind of bird, fish, tree, or flower, and he can tell me almost anything I want to know about it.
      I've always enjoyed spending time with my dad outside. I don't always do it as much as I should, and I kind of regret that. He has been asking me all summer to go canoeing or boating with him, so I asked him today if he wanted to go canoeing. He already had it hooked up to his truck because he went fishing this morning, so all I had to do was put on some old clothes and get ready to go.
      We took the canoe to a pond about 10 minutes from where we live. It's still in a rather urban area, but once you get out in the water, you don't even notice. There are lots of houses that line both sides of the pond, and we enjoy house-watching as we go along.
     I love canoeing with Dad because I can do as much or as little work as I want. He always sits in the back so that he can guide the canoe, so I can really just sit there if I want. Most of the time I choose to paddle along with him, and I was surprised to hear him say today that my paddling was getting better.
      We had quite an adventure today. We got to the line of trees at the back of the pond where my dad normally turns around, but we noticed a path heading back into the trees. We decided to follow it, and boy, were we both glad that we did! We got to see things that I'm sure not many people get to see.
      It's hard to describe the feeling of being out in the woods with no one else around. Once you are under the canopy of trees, the water and wind are completely calm, and all you can hear is the paddles breaking the surface of the water. It's an eerie and a relaxing feeling at the same time. Everything is so peaceful. You see wildlife that you wouldn't normally see. We saw a snake scoot across the water, numerous ducks take flight, and all kinds of creepy crawlers that I was fine with as long as they were outside the boat!
      When we weren't completely surrounded by trees, we could see people's back yards. Dad's comment was, "You couldn't find these houses with a search warrant!" There was this one dock and garden area with some of the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen! The irises and hydrangeas were stunning! I found myself wishing I could live in one of these houses, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life and in touch with nature. Most people have hammocks on their docks, and I could see myself sitting in one for hours, simply napping or reading a book.
      We followed the path to a bridge before we decided we should turn around. By the time we got back out of the woods and onto the open water, a storm cloud was coming up, and we decided we had had enough excitement for one day.
             As I get ready to head to Furman in the fall, I realize more and more in these simple moments that these are the things I'm going to miss. Canoeing with my dad. Asking him countless questions like, "What kind of bird is that?" or, "What made the marks on that tree?" And simply spending time with him, no matter what we're doing. So as I continue through this summer, I'm going to make an effort to seize these moments and to relish them. Because these are the moments that I will miss and that I will cherish forever.

Catching Up with My Best Friend

     My best friend has been gone for three and a half weeks now. She's on a missions trip in Florida and still has six weeks left to go. Tonight was the first time I'd talked to her since she left. And this is saying something. Before she left, we spent almost every waking minute together. She lives 2 minutes (or 3 if I'm driving) down the road from me, so we basically live at each other's houses.
      So for us not to talk to each other for this long is a record. I mean, we've texted, but neither of us have had the time to just sit down and talk about what's new in our lives. She works 40 hours a week, has activities every night, and does missions work on the weekends. I haven't had a whole lot going on lately, but when I've been busy, it just so happens to be when she has a day off or a free moment.
      So tonight is the first time we've really had a heart to heart in over three weeks. We didn't even really plan it. It just kind of worked out. Her parents and brother visited her this weekend, so she mentioned that she might be a little down with them leaving. I asked what I could do to cheer her up, and she asked if I had a few minutes to talk. So finally, at 11:20 tonight, we got a chance to talk!
      I didn't realize how much we had missed with each other. I started talking and couldn't stop, and when I finally did, she had just as much to say! But, I was very pleasantly reassured by our talk. I wasn't quite sure how she was feeling. She's had very little sleep for the past few weeks; has been on the go nonstop; is drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and her parents were leaving. I honestly expected her to be a little down in the dumps.
      But when she picked up on the other end, I didn't hear a sad or disheartened Madi. I honestly don't know if I've ever heard her this enthusiastic and happy! Not to say that she's not normally a happy person, but this was different. I could tell how much my best friend had changed (in a positive way) since the last time I'd chatted with her.
      I told her all about what had happened in my life first, and then she caught me up on what is happening in her life. Which is a lot! I can tell how much Madi has grown spiritually. She just has a joy when she's talking about missions and her relationship with God. And some of the things she told me she's learned, even in the past week, are just inspiring. She is a completely new, confident person. She's shed her insecurities. She's learning how to be more outgoing. It's just amazing and inspiring. I keep thinking, "I want to have an experience like this so I can
grow as much as she has!"
      I guess all of this is just a really long way to say that I'm proud of my friend and her progress. I'm reassured about her life in Florida and about the good that she's doing there. And, I'm reminded of how much I sorely miss my best friend. But, I have a new excitement for my best friend as she finishes up her journey, and I can't wait for her to return home soon so that I can get to know the new Madi!

                                                   

Reflections from Houston

I wrote this on Friday, June 14, 2013, after I'd had time to rest and collect my thoughts from this week.

     As I headed into this trip, I was really thinking of it as another thing to mark off my list, another step closer to orientation at Furman and to my new life there. What I didn't know is that these past five days would be five of the best of my life. I've seen God work, met five awesome girls, and have seen God work in my own life and desires.
      The five other panelists were just incredible. I have never connected with a group as quickly as I connected with them. After a few hours, it was as if we'd known each other for years! I've never quite laughed as much as when I was with them. I think it's because we all shared the common powerful bonds of our love for Jesus and for missions. Before we even left Houston, we were planning our reunion! I love them and miss them like crazy already!
      This week was also incredible because God completely changed my heart and gave me a new love for missions. I know it sounds crazy because Woman's Missionary Union is all about missions, and I've been a part of it for around eight years. But this event was different. I could not get enough of listening to the missionaries. I literally hung on their every word! And it's strange, too, because in the past, I've been so scared of what God was calling me to do. I was so scared that He'd call me away from my family and to the remotest part of Africa or Asia. But after listening to a few missionaries, I was praying that God would call me into missions somewhere. He literally took away all of my fears, and I praise Him for that. I've never had a stronger desire to do missions or to have a close relationship with Him.
      One other thing that stuck out to me this week was the missions project we did on Wednesday. We worked with the Missions Centers of Houston and helped them do a kids' club for the children in the area. These areas are strongly Hispanic, so most of the children who came in were Spanish and bilingual. I've always loved children and love every chance I get to work with them. I've also developed a love for Spanish which I feel that God will use in the future. When the children arrived, we helped them make Father's Day cards, played games with them, taught them songs, and when we left, the missionaries did a bible study with them. When it was time for us to go, I found myself not wanting to leave! I wished I could stay in Houston for the rest of this summer and work with these sweet, precious children. This also made me 100 times more excited for the missions trip I am taking in July. I am going to New York with my church, and we are doing a Vacation Bible School for a Hispanic church. Before this trip, I was a little nervous about going to NY. I'm not really close with anyone on the trip, so I was worried about who I'd hang out with all week. But after working with the children Wednesday, I don't care! It was a good reminder that this trip isn't about me! It's about the kids and the people who we will be helping during our week there.
      This week was so life-changing for me. I made 5 new best friends who I know I will keep in touch with forever. I have never felt closer to God or more surrendered to Him. And lastly, I have seen my call to missions change, and I can't wait to see where God leads me. These were five of the best, most life-changing, and powerful days of my life. I can't believe that it's already over, but I can't wait to see how God uses the things He taught me this week to make a difference for His kingdom.

 

                                                   

 

                                                   

The Legacy of Dr. Fort

This blog is from late at night on Sunday, June 9, 2013, after the first night of the WMU Missions Celebration.

     Today has been one of the best days I've ever experienced spiritually. It is so inspiring to hear from so many missionaries around the US and the world and to hear what God is doing through their lives.
        Tonight, we heard about a woman named Wanna Anne Fort. Her story is absolutely inspirational. She and her husband, who recently passed away, were medical missionaries to Africa for many, many years. The truly incredible part is that even though she is almost 89 years old and recently had hip surgery, The Lord just shines through her! You can see it through her demeanor, her words, and through her life.
      She has been in the process of writing an autobiography for years, and tonight her copy was presented to her. After the session, we had a chance to meet her and to talk with her for a little while. She told us story after story of her years in Africa and how she had seen God work. She said there had been times when she had told God, "I simply can't do this!!" But her life is a living testimony to all that God can do!
      One part of her story that gave me chills is the fact that she was a pediatrician. I've known for years that that is the field of medicine I want to pursue, and I've asked God how He might want me to participate in missions through that. To hear her say that she was a pediatrician missionary showed me that God may be wanting to use me in bigger ways than I think! I'm so tired of seeing people around me being merely satisfied in their faith. I want to be on fire for Jesus, and I want Him to use me in big ways!
      Wanna Lee and those like her are heroes in my book. They take the Great Commission very seriously and are willing to follow God's call to the end of the earth! They are willing to give wholly of themselves and to give up luxuries that we take for granted, all for Jesus's sake. My hope is to one day touch as many lives as the missionaries that I heard from and to one day be an inspiration to the next generation like they are to me. These are the true heroes of today's society, and it's because of willing people like them that one day, everyone might have the chance to hear about Jesus.

 

We're Soarin', Flyin'!

Normally, I wouldn't post this many blogs at one time, but I was in Houston all last week. I couldn't figure out how to post them from my phone, so I am just now getting around to it. I wrote this one Saturday, June 8, 2013.

     I'm writing this blog from a place where I may never write one again...the sky!! I'm headed to the big ole city of Houston, Texas, to participate in the Woman's Missionary Union (WMU) Missions Celebration and the Southern Baptist Convention. As a panelist with the National WMU, I will have certain responsibilities to fulfill throughout this week.
      However, I'd like to get back to the flying. This is the first time I've flown since I was 8ish when my parents and I went to Wyoming. I forgot how truly magical it is! There's nothing like flying through the clouds and then being able to look down on them as you fly over. Today is bright and sunshiny, so the clouds are big and puffy. They almost look like you could walk right out on them or take a big bite out of them like a piece of cotton candy.
      Times like this are when I realize how truly small I am. Here I am, flying above the clouds, and looking at the cities below as we pass over. I can't imagine how many people are down there, going about their daily lives. I'm just one tiny part of the big picture of the world.
      It also makes me realize how truly big God is. I'm 10,000 feet above the ground and can see for miles and miles in all directions. But can you imagine God's view from heaven? I mean, He's the one who made all of this beauty.Everything I can see in all directions, He handcrafted for His glory. It really puts things into perspective.
      So, as I sit here and write this blog as I'm gazing on the earth below, I marvel at how small I am and how big my God is. And I look forward to seeing how my God will work through me and the people around me in Houston.

Lessons from a Trashbag

     This past week, my cousin invited me to go to Clemson with her for a few days.  She just started attending school there this past year, and she wanted to show me around campus and the town. I absolutely loved it! No, I haven't changed my mind about attending Furman, but Clemson's campus is beautiful and the downtown area is great, too. Heather is so proud of her college and their nursing program, which she is now a part of.  I didn't think anyone could brag on their college as much as I do about Furman, but she might actually give me a run for my money.
     The first day, we mainly shopped. I know! We're girls, and we went shopping...imagine that! We ate at this little sandwich shop called Groucho's and bought Southern Fried Cotton and Clemson shirts downtown; then, we headed to Anderson, grabbed some supper, and did even more shopping!
     We drove through Clemson the first day, but Heather wanted to give me a walking tour, too.  We waited until the second day because it started raining Wednesday night. After getting up Thursday morning and seeing that the rain had moved on, we decided that it was safe to go on a walking tour. Heather showed me the most famous buildings on campus, the popular hangout spots, and where she'd be doing all of her nursing classes.
     After touring Tillman, Heather and I decided we would go back to her car and head home. However, the weather had other plans. It started pouring, and we ran back into Tillman as quickly as we could.  The car was on the other side of campus, and there was no way to get to it without getting soaked. We sat on a bench inside and waited a few minutes, but once we saw that the storm wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, Heather said, "I have an idea."
     She headed to the bathroom and came back with several plastic trashbags. "Look online and find out how to make a rain poncho out of a trashbag!" she told me. At first, I thought she was joking. Surely, we were not going to walk around campus with a trashbag over our heads. But I quickly saw that Heather meant business. So we tore head holes in the bags and put them over our heads for protection. 
     Surprisingly, I learned a few things from this experience besides the fact that Heather and I come up with some crazy ideas! First, never get too old to have an imagination.  If Heather hadn't been quick on her feet and thought about the trashbags, we would have either been stuck in Tillman all day or gotten soaked! Heather, instead of complaining, used her ingenuity and thought outside of the box. This is something that we all need to remember from time to time. We need to remember to be resourceful because many times, we can a problem if we just use our heads!
     Second, this situation reminded me that one should never take herself too seriously. I mean, can you imagine how ridiculous we looked in our trashbags? And we saw at least four or five cute boys on our way back to the car.  But we worked those trashbags and laughed at ourselves the whole way back home.
     Sometimes, it's these simple predicaments in life like forgetting an umbrella that teach us the biggest lessons. At times, we all need those reminders to still use our imaginations and to laugh at ourselves.  Life is way too short to take yourself seriously! So remember: laugh at yourself, have fun, and learn some lessons from the trashbags in your life!

Fitting In (Or Maybe Not)

     Do you ever get the feeling that you just don't really fit in? That even between school, church, work, etc., you still haven't found the people who are a lot like you? This is the state I've lived in for pretty much the past 18 years.
     I went to the same school for fourteen years, and I never really found my niche.  I never found people who were as motivated as I, who shared the same common interests and passions. I found very few people who took their faith as seriously as I did. Did I have people that I hung out with? Yeah. But I never really connected with the group as much as the other people connected with each other. I never really hung out with them outside of school; we don't really keep in touch. High school just wasn't where I fit in.
     Then there was church. Actually, this past year, I had two different church families.  I've been at Bethel since the 4th or 5th grade, and up until this past year, everything was fine. After my best friend, Madi, headed off to college, though, there weren't many people my age who I shared anything in common with. Madi was kind of the glue that held our little group together. Once she left, I felt lonelier than ever, so I tried to find a different youth group. I started going to Alice Drive. And honestly, I enjoyed the change of pace this year. I met some awesome people, but still, there was no one that I became really close with. It was really hard being the new senior in the youth group where almost everyone had gone to church together forever. Everyone was so close and honestly a little cliquey. They just all had so many memories together, and I often felt out of place.
     As one might imagine, being in a high school of several hundred and being an active part of two youth groups and STILL not being able to find where I fit in has been discouraging at times. There have been times when I've felt lonely, discouraged, rejected, defeated, and there have been many times when I've asked myself, "What's wrong with me??"  And my trying to fit in isn't helped at all by the fact that I'm introverted and a little shy. Sometimes, it's really hard for me to put myself out there no matter how badly I would like to.
     This is why I'm looking so forward to attending Furman in the fall. I'm hoping (and praying!) to find people more like me there. And I'm so encouraged by what I've already seen and experienced of Furman and college in general. I feel like for the most part, the students at Furman are just like me. They're motivated, ambitious, and care about their grades. I mean, you really have to be to cut it at Furman! There are so many different clubs and organizations that I have no doubt that I will be able to find people who share my interests and more importantly, my convictions. I've heard so much about how much diversity there is at college, how there are people from all different areas, backgrounds, races, religions, etc. And this excites me so much because I know that in the several thousand students on campus, I am sure to find a group (or several) where I feel like I belong. So, I will wait (maybe not so) patiently for the next three months to go by and look forward to all of the wonderful things (and people!) that await me at FU!

Blogging Is Good for the Soul

     Tonight, I had a lot on my mind.  I’ve been very nostalgic lately (and by lately, I mean for the last month or two). And often, the reminiscing is very painful for me because I miss a lot of the times that have already passed by and because a lot of the memories themselves are painful. I started praying about everything that was on my mind and then decided to journal about it. I spent the next hour typing three pages of memories I have from the past four years. I’m not going to post all of that because it is very personal, but I’m going to share a little bit about what I discovered in the process.

     First, writing is so good for the soul. I felt so overwhelmed with all of these memories and emotions and thoughts flying around in my head. Once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. I just kept writing more and more. And now that I’m done, I feel at peace. I feel like I can go to bed and not worry about having too much on my mind to sleep (which happens a lot).

     Second, after reflecting, I’ve learned that I try to fill that Jesus-shaped hole in my heart with a lot of other things—this time, mainly guys. I feel like I have all of these emotional desires that I keep looking to someone to fulfill when Jesus is right there saying, “Look to me.” Unfortunately, sometimes that is so much easier said than done. But I decided to start looking to Him more tonight.

     And lastly, I’ve learned that we don’t have to have the answer to everything and that we don’t always have to be able to put what we’re feeling into words. Sometimes, I just say, “Jesus, do you see how much I’m hurting?” And somehow in knowing that His answer is, “Yes,” I can find comfort because I know that if He’s letting me hurt, it’s for a reason and that he has far better things planned for me than any I can plan for myself. As a wise person once said, “When God doesn’t give you what you want, it’s not because He doesn’t think that you deserve it; it’s because He knows that you deserve far better.” So, I go to bed tonight knowing who holds my past and my future and trusting the one who is always here with me in the present.