What The Giver Gave Me

     Tonight, I saw The Giver. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have never read the book, but lately people have been talking about the book and movie constantly, so I decided to go see it with a friend. It turned out to be one of the most intriguing, thought-provoking, best movies I have ever seen. When I expressed this to my mom, she replied, “It’s about controlling people’s emotions, right?” In short, yes, but it is about so much more. That statement only scratches the surface of the complex and rich story, and I think there are many valuable life lessons to be gleaned from this movie.

     My lesson-learning actually started earlier today, way before I even started thinking of going to the movie tonight. At some point today, I realized I was just in a really really good mood. I didn’t know why. Nothing particularly earth-shattering had happened, but I was happy, joyful even. I saw a side of myself that I haven’t seen in a while. When I thought about why I was so happy, I realized the answer was quite simple. For the past several weeks, I have been feeling really crappy. I’ve had my happy moments, but for the most part, I have felt down and heartbroken. When you feel this awful for a long period of time and then have a day where you feel even a little better, it feels marvelous. You appreciate your good mood more than usual. You may not actually feel happier than any normal day, but after a down-period, a happy day can make you feel like you’re having the best day of your life.

     This is one of the important things that The Giver helps us to remember. In the movie, society has erased the memories of every person except for one because they believe that this is a better way of living. The elders believe that not having emotions, colors, religion, or any type of differences will prevent conflict and everyone will be happy in this “utopian” society. However, what this movie brings to light is how awful a world like that would truly be…what a shame it would be. One boy, the receiver of memories, and his mentor, the giver of memories, make it their goal to return all of these memories to society because what they realized, and what I realized as I watched the movie, is that there is beauty in every single aspect of life. There is beauty in our differences. There is beauty in our emotions. There is even beauty in our pain.

     What this society had tried to keep its citizens from was the pains of life—of war, heartache, loss, brokenness. This meant that it also kept them from experiencing love, joy, and beauty. However, what the giver and receiver (and I) realized is that it is worth experiencing the pains in life in order to have the beauty. It is not possible to have the joys without the heartaches, but it is worth it. It is worth the pain to be able to experience the joy, the love, and the beauty. That is what I had started to realize earlier today. If I hadn’t had my heart broken, I wouldn’t have been able to experience the elation I felt today from simply feeling better. If we want to experience good in our lives, we must also accept the painful things because then we understand what true joy feels like. Life is meant to be experienced to the fullest, and in order to do that, we must take the good with the bad, the ugly with the beautiful, the pain with the joy. After all, that’s what life is all about, right? It’s not just about living but actually feeling and experiencing all that the world has to offer.

To Blame or Not to Blame

     I learned an important lesson today. Well, not really learned. Solidified, I guess. And this important lesson is that it’s not always my fault. Yes, I know this sounds like a simple one; everyone makes mistakes. Yet for me, accepting this past a mere mental knowledge is much easier said than done. You see, I like to internalize things. I normally take the fault in relationships and just assume that I did something incorrect. But I realized tonight that this is not a healthy way of living or maintaining relationships.

     I was texting a friend and having a hard time understanding why she was acting the way that she was. She had canceled on me twice in the past two days with what I considered to be lame excuses both times. I quickly asked my mother what the correct thing to do was when you wanted to fix something with someone but you had absolutely no idea what the problem was to which, of course, she replied, “You ask them.” So, I promptly texted my friend back and asked her what was the problem. She quickly cleared my confusion over one of the problems. It was merely a matter of miscommunication.
     But this made me think about other incidents we  had had in the past. We have never had any major fights, but there have been times when she has done things that have just baffled me. And somehow, when I make up my mind to be more confrontational and confront her about it, I always end up feeling like it’s my faut. I usually come up with excuses like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about that...” or “Maybe I should have just let that one slide...” So I did what I normally do when confused about life and such: I consulted my mom. I told her my predicament and ended my ranting with the slightly melodramatic, “If I can’t even manage my friendships, how in the world am I ever supposed to manage a relationship?!”
     “It’s not a matter of ‘managing your friendships,’” she said. “It’s a matter of correctly communicating how you feel.” Of course. All adults contribute problems in any relationships to miscommunication. But the more she talked, the more I saw where she was coming from. “I don’t think she [your friend] knows how to communicate sometimes. If she would have simply told you why she didn’t want to hang out instead of making excuses, you may have not gotten your feelings hurt.”
     I stopped to think about what she said for a minute. When I think back to the other times we’ve had these tiffs, it seems like it was always a problem of miscommunication. No, not always on her part—sometimes on mine, too. But examining the current situation, I don’t think the miscommunication was on my part this time—it was on hers. Which actually made me feel better. I cannot possibly believe that all problems are my fault and always feel like I’m the one who needs to apologize. It’s foolish to never admit when you’re wrong, but it’s also foolish to believe that you’re always the one at fault.
     Especially as I reach adulthood and the point where I will hopefully soon (probably not, though...) begin looking for a husband, I realize how important it is to learn good communication skills (gasp, I said it!) I am an extremely nonconfrontational person who DOES NOT like to talk about her feelings, so it is very difficult for me even to say something simple like, “Hey, you hurt my feelings.” But alas, these are important lessons that I need to learn, and I think this is a good place to start. Because while being able to admit that you’re wrong is a sign of maturity, so is being able to free yourself of blame. And that, my friends, is a liberating feeling.

Why I Love My Best Friend

     I just had the best time and laughed more than I have in several months. And what did I spend the last several hours doing? Watching Vine videos with my best friend, Madi. That's what I absolutely love about our friendship. We can be doing absolutely nothing, but as long as we're together, we are content.
      I can't describe how much I needed this time with her. She has been in Florida all summer, and I went 10 weeks without seeing her! 10!! The longest we've ever gone without seeing each other before this was 2 or 3 weeks.
     And I can say, I sorely missed my best friend and our time together. Hanging out with Madi is the best stress relief for me, and I can tell when I don't spend time with her for a while. When we are together, we laugh until we can't breathe. We say whatever pops into our heads, no matter how random or inappropriate, and we don't judge each other for whatever comes out of our mouths. Especially since after a certain time of night, we both get extremely delirious and crazy.
      But that's what I love about my best friend. I can just kick back and relax and not worry about what she thinks. Because we are completely ourselves around each other. And we are so much alike. We have the same sense of humor. We think the same way. And I cherish these crazy times with her so much and can't describe how much I'll miss them when we move to opposite ends of the state later this month.
      But I am reassured by the fact that even while she was gone, we stayed extremely close, and now that she's back, it's like she never left. And that's what true friendship is all about- being apart and when you get back together, nothing has changed. So I plan to enjoy the next several weeks with Madi because I know that no matter where life takes us, we will always be best friends.

Turn It Up, New York! Day 1

     So far, this missions trip has been nothing like I expected. This is my first one, and I guess that even though everyone warned me, I didn't expect to have to be so...flexible. The pace is so "go with the flow," and I'm just more of a structured-type person. 

     But honestly, it's been great so far, and I can tell that it's going to be a great week! The children are absolutely precious. I had the chance to talk with some of the little kids this morning before VBS started. And I am helping out with the 8-9 year olds all this week. It's a little bit older than what I would have thought I'd feel comfortable with. But honestly, the kids are great! I love working with the age I'm working with, and I'm already bonding with a lot of them. 

     I do have a few prayer requests for those of you reading this, though. First, please pray for the kids we are ministering to this week, that they would be touched this week, and that God would use us where He sees fit. Second, please pray for some of the kids that we have a harder time controlling. There was one boy in my class today who wouldn't listen to anyone, and it frustrates me a little bit. I want to be able to discipline him while still pouring out God's love to him, and sometimes that's a hard balance. And lastly, please pray for patience, endurance, and strength for us all. 5 hours of VBS is a really long time, and by the end, we are worn out and the kids are buck-wild! And sometimes it requires a lot of God's help to not be grumpy and to show enthusiasm after being on our feet for so many hours. 

     But overall, I had a really great day! Children are where my heart lies, and I'm praying that God will show me how to best minister to them this week. I'm also praying that He'll show me what kinds of missions He may want me to do in the future, especially with kids. I thank God for a great day and for a chance to get off my feet for a while and get a good night's rest! I'm exhausted, but I'm already excited for tomorrow and the ways in which God will use us to show the love of Christ to these kids! 

Life's Disappointments

     If this year has been good for one thing, it's been good for teaching me about disappointments. I've faced a lot of major disappointments this year. The thing is, you learn how to deal with them, but they never truly get easier. 

     I decided to take a chance and try out for the lead role in the play this year. I didn't get it. I applied to be in a science program at Furman. I had an interview on campus, got my hopes up...and still didn't get it. I can't count the number of scholarships I've been rejected for this year, including all of the major ones at Furman. I took 15 credit hours of dual-enrollment, and I won't be getting any college

credit for those. 

     Most recently, I applied to be a Freshman blogger at Furman. I've always liked to write, but I'd never written a blog until I decided to apply. I've kept up with the freshman blogs for several years and have always found them very helpful. I wanted to be able to help high schoolers trying to decide whether Furman is the right place for them and to give incoming freshman some tips that I learn along the way. Unfortunately, I found out this weekend that I wasn't chosen for this position either. 

     Thankfully, I have been able to find silver linings in my disappointments, especially this one. I have discovered a new passion of mine--blogging!! I find it so therapeutic. If I ever have something on my mind, I can write about it and express my emotions. I can also share it with others so that they can share in my experiences and hopefully learn a few lessons. Also, I am a really sentimental person. I have a hard time throwing anything away because I like to keep things for memories and keepsakes. Blogging is an excellent way for me to preserve something very precious to me--my emotions. I find that my best writings come when I write about something that is still fresh on my mind and close to my heart. 

     While I am still learning to deal with disappointments, I will continue to look for the silver linings. Life's most painful situations are often when we learn the greatest lessons and the most about ourselves. And most importantly, I have to remember that no matter what happens, God always has my best interests in mind.

Inspiration from Faeries

     As people in today's culture, it's really hard to see past what's on the outside of people. We are taught by the media that physical beauty, strength, and fashion are everything. It's hard not to obsess over the way we look or be automatically attracted to people whose physical appearance we find appealing. My family has always taught me that what's on the inside matters more, but in today's society, that's a hard truth to hold onto. However, I found a reminder of this in an unlikely place-The Mortal Instruments series.
      In The Mortal Instruments series, there is something called "glamour." It helps disguise magical objects and people so that ordinary humans don't recognize them for what they are. It can be used to make a dilapidated
building appear beautiful or vice versa. It can also be used on humans and mythical creatures.
      Faeries in this series are not like the ones we normally think about. They are not at all like Tinker Bell! They are part angel, part demon, so they are very deceiving and tricky. When the main characters of the book make a trip to faerie territory, Clary (the main character) sees some of the faeries dancing. At first, they appear beautiful and very appealing to her. However, when she looks closer she sees how deceitful their beauty is and how ugly they really are. The glamor made them appear to be something they were not.
     This is often the situation in everyday life. People have a good way of putting on a front for others and letting them see only the parts they want others to see. Also, many times, a beautiful outside can temporarily cover up unattractive qualities inside. This is why it is so important to not "judge a book by its cover," so to speak. It's much more important to make sure that you get to know someone for who they truly are rather than what's merely on the surface. More importantly, this should encourage us all to strive to be beautiful on the inside. Beauty is fleeting, but the core of who a person truly is does not fade with time and is not changed by cheap deceptions on the outside.

A (Belated) Lunch Date

I am really bad about writing blogs on my phone and then forgetting to publish them! This one I wrote almost two weeks ago. It is short and to the point, but it means a lot to me and I felt that it was still important for me to publish it.


     Today, my cousin and I decided to take my grandma out to eat for lunch. My grandpa has dementia, so sometimes my grandma really needs a break from taking care of him. Plus, we just wanted to spend some quality girl time with her.
      I enjoy every precious minute I get to spend with my grandma (Ema, as I call her). She is one of the strongest, most Godly women I know. We enjoy talking about cooking, Facebook, The Bachelorette, milkshakes, and our relationship with God. I love her with all of my heart and will miss living five minutes from her next year.