Blogging Is Good for the Soul

     Tonight, I had a lot on my mind.  I’ve been very nostalgic lately (and by lately, I mean for the last month or two). And often, the reminiscing is very painful for me because I miss a lot of the times that have already passed by and because a lot of the memories themselves are painful. I started praying about everything that was on my mind and then decided to journal about it. I spent the next hour typing three pages of memories I have from the past four years. I’m not going to post all of that because it is very personal, but I’m going to share a little bit about what I discovered in the process.

     First, writing is so good for the soul. I felt so overwhelmed with all of these memories and emotions and thoughts flying around in my head. Once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. I just kept writing more and more. And now that I’m done, I feel at peace. I feel like I can go to bed and not worry about having too much on my mind to sleep (which happens a lot).

     Second, after reflecting, I’ve learned that I try to fill that Jesus-shaped hole in my heart with a lot of other things—this time, mainly guys. I feel like I have all of these emotional desires that I keep looking to someone to fulfill when Jesus is right there saying, “Look to me.” Unfortunately, sometimes that is so much easier said than done. But I decided to start looking to Him more tonight.

     And lastly, I’ve learned that we don’t have to have the answer to everything and that we don’t always have to be able to put what we’re feeling into words. Sometimes, I just say, “Jesus, do you see how much I’m hurting?” And somehow in knowing that His answer is, “Yes,” I can find comfort because I know that if He’s letting me hurt, it’s for a reason and that he has far better things planned for me than any I can plan for myself. As a wise person once said, “When God doesn’t give you what you want, it’s not because He doesn’t think that you deserve it; it’s because He knows that you deserve far better.” So, I go to bed tonight knowing who holds my past and my future and trusting the one who is always here with me in the present.